BROTHER MERIA

Bwana asifiwe I said into the microphone, bwana yesu asifiwe, this time I said it a bit louder, Bwana yesu asifiwe microphone testing 1 2 3 mic testing can you hear me, inua mkono yako juu kaa waniskia, aaaaaah, asanteni, asanteni sana, my eyes made a quick sweep of the crowd below me and rested on the girl of my dreams, the girl who had stolen my heart, the girl who had finally tamed wild Meria by making him get saved after confessing his sins and being born again. I then handed over the mic to the pastor and as I got down from the dais and I reflected on how I had come to be known as Bro Meria.

Thinking of it now, The journey to being born again had begun a few months earlier on the day i met The most beautiful girl in githurai, lets call her Marion, Marion alikua ameumbwa akaumbika, yellow yellow, average height, flesh in all the right places, nyuele ya makamasi, very beautiful kind eyes with thick eyebrows ….. you name it, the first time I saw her my jaw dropped kaa ya “the mask” na akaiba roho yangu hapo hapo, huyu dame alikua sawa, she was in form 4 in a girls secondary school in isich.

Tulipatana kwa Ngara tukichota maji, there was only one borehole in all of githurai 45 na hapo ndipo kila mtu alikua yuachota maji na kwahivo palikua happy hunting ground ya mafisi as you call them now, we used to hung out there and assist the beautiful girls with their jerricans and wheelbarrows, talking of wheelbarrows we were expert “drivers”, we used to place the jerricans in such a way that it required very little effort to push, infact you could control it with on hand when loaded, pushing the barrow to your girls home provided the best opportunity ya kuomba slices and we got lucky most of the time.

Hapo hapo kwa borehole tulikua nalugha yetu ya ufisi, girls were classified in four categories

1-       Now showing

2-      Next attraction

3-      Coming soon

4-      Brought back by great public demand

Now showing was the girl in her prime, mostly untouched or you can say brand new as sanasana package ilikua haijawaifunguliwa, Yule ambapo saa hio ndio ameiva kabisa na mboys wote walikua wanamtamani.

Next attraction was kale kaschana kalikua kamebakisha mvua kaa mbili kaive, tumatiti hua tuko tudogo lakini ukikagua vizuri unaona potential ya future beauty queen. Hawa pia tulikua hatusamehei, mtu alikua anabook kitambo ili by the time afike now showing  fisi wenzako wanajua ni wako.

Coming soon ni tule tutoto tudogo aged 11 to 7, looking at them with a fisi eye you could tell huyo mtoto atakua kitu sure in the next kindu 7 to 10 rainy seasons lakini tulikua hatuweki mark, we were much too busy with the now showing and next attractions for that.

Brought back by public demand alikua Yule dame amechapa, Yule ashagawia kila mtu slices but was still good to eat saa zile hakuna slices zingine, (samba akikosa nyama hula nini?) infact we were doing them a favor, hawa ndio tulikua twapiga combi tukiwa wasee wane au watano.

Marion was in the number 1 category, Now showing, they were newly arrived in githurai pale babake alikua amenuua plot na kujenga 4 rooms, she had a small 4 yr old brother. And, Marion was different from any girl I had been with, she was born again, after kuzoeana kwa muda mfupi nilipo itisha slices nilipewa verse ya bible alafu nafunguliwa nisome, hakua anakosa bible, we used to argue back and forth about Christianity and being saved the whole day and she would win because i had a soft spot for her, she was wife material. Aliniambia that kama nataka awe girlfriend yangu lazima niokoke na kaa vile mnajua wahenga walisema about mtaka cha mvunguni, sikua na budi ili kuinama.

Every Sunday Marion would beg me to accompany her to church ambayo ilikua side za Kimbo but nilikua nakataa, would wait for her hapo kwa railway crossing alafu nampeleka lunch in the only chips joint in githurai at that time wakiwa na bro yake, nikiomba slices nikimuescort home story ni ile ile, wewe haujaokoka, as a candidate nikaanza kumsaidia na maths, Swahili and English in the evenings, she would pass by my hse tunasoma kiasi alafu nampeleka home kaa na preachiwa, mdogo mdogo one Saturday nikaamua kuokoka, (dry spell ni mbaya) sikumuambia chochote, instead I convinced three of my mboys tuende church the following day, by 9am that Sunday tulikua church yao tumeketi, marion niliona akiwa usher, it was a mabati structure with about 150 worshipers.

Catchy easy to sing gospel songs were going on in fastforward mode drowning out the speakers, kanisa siku hizo hawakua na hizi mega systems za siku hizi, there was vigourous dancing and you could tell sisi ni wageni coz we were just clapping and staring (acheni munguu aitwe munguu acheni mungu aitwe mungu) nyimbo kaa hizo where the lead singer anaongoza na nyinyi mnarudia. Soon enough nyimbo za slowmotion zikaanza (niko chini ya mwamba na mwamba juu yanguuu, yesu nifiche niko chini ya mwambaaa…) and the tempo slowed down alafu tukakuja super slowmo mode (there is power power wonder working power in the naaaame of the Loooooord) for kindu 3 minutes and then all hell broke loose. Everybody started praying at the top of their voices as if on cue, wengine walikua wanarukaruka, wengine wanalia wengine wanaongea lugha zingine sijawai skia, later Marion aliniambia eti hivo hufanyika holy spirit akishuka, Yule alinibamba ni cucu alikua karibu nasisi alikua anasema Jesus on a bycycle, Jesus on a bycycle JEEEEEEEESUS ON A BYCYCLE alirudia hivi over and over again bila kusema kitu ingine. I gazed at her in wonder nikajiuliza hio alikua ameskia wapi, it was her way of speaking in tongues.

After like 10 minutes of pure drama the pastor took over lead us in prayers alafu tkaambiwa tuketi service inaanza but before that kama it was your first time in that church tukaambiwa tusimame tusalimie watu, maboys wangu wakaniangalia na macho mbaya regretting kwanini walinileta namimi nikaangalia around nikaona Marion amenicheki with encouraging eyes, mimi huyoo nikasimama, my mboys followed suit, I was glad to see we were not the only visitors na tukaitwa pale mbele. All we had to do was introduce ourselves,  I was third in line kupewa mike nisalimie watu. “ Bwana asifiwe, kwa majina naitwa Mata, Meria Mata na ninampenda yesu, leo hii nina furaha kujiunga nanyinyi kumuabudu mungu” I was given a hearty clap as I went back to my seat. Yule alinishangaza ni Matoo, one of my mboys, after introducing himself he said he has a song akaambiwa aendelee, hehehe, huko nyuma nilikua naokotwa chini ya viti nikimskiza akiimba off key, bass tenor alto na soprano zote. Some guys were not meant to sing outside the bathroom.

Service iliendelea tukatoa sadaka na before pastor amalize akasema kaa uko hapa na hauja okoka huu ni wakati wako, ebu piga hatua uje mbele umpate yesu. This is the time I was waiting for, nilichomoka haraka sana nilikua wakwanza kufika mbele, I was surprised kuona mboys wangu walinifuata wote wakiongozwa na Matoo, siku hio kulikua watu wengi sana wanaokoka. The holy spirit ilishuka tena na ile maombi ikaanza, this time watu wote walikua ameelekeza mikono pande yetu, the pastor was moving round anakuja anakushika forehead na ile claw kaa ya Kerry Von Erch anakuombea alafu unaanguka.

Kunifikia aliomba kaa 2 minutes na sikuanguka, akanishika nanguvu sasa akaanza kuifinya viserious, namimi nikaweka mguu moja nyuma nikajistabilize vizuri, by the forth minute pastor akaona sianguki akanipiga sweep lakini wapi, I was waiting for it, we staggered kidogo akaniachilia akaenda kwa Matoo, Matoo ata hakuguzwa, vile hio mkono ilikua yaenda forehead yake Matoo huyooo chini. Whenever I meet him hua twacheka sana tukikumbuka hio episode. After watu wote kuokoka we went back to our seats na kurusha macho kwa Marion kaona ameniangalia na very loving eyes kajua baaas, Thiga has circumcised. As I sat down sikua naskia any difference as a born again person kuliko vile nilikua nikiskia asubuhi nilipoamka but I was happy finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel. To my dismay the pastor said that all new converts were to remain behind after the service, I cursed the guy as in my mind Marion was already undressed ilikua imebakia kuingiza tu.

The church slowly emptied and soon tulibakia new converts kaa 20 hivi, pastor na wazee wakanisa, even Marion had disappeared, this made me uneasy, tukaanza kuambiwa sasa sisi ni viumbe mpya tumezaliwa tena na damu ya yesu na tumajazwa na holy spirit, then the pastor told us to say this prayer after him, mungu baba leo nimekuja mbele zako kaa nimetubu dhambi zote, ondoa jina langu kwa kitabu cha mauti na uliandike kwa kitabu cha uzima, Amen.  nikashowiwa kuanza saa hiyo siitwi Meria ila jina langu mpya ni Brother Meria I was now well and truly born again. Afterwards tukapewa program ya kanisa, Monday – bible study, Tuesday youth fellowship, Wednesday – home visits, Thursday – choir practice, Friday men fellowship and Saturday – women fellowship. Waah, yaani I had to be in church every day, ile kitu ilinifurahisha ni eti every first Saturday of the month kunakuaga na kasha, I couldn’t help but smile inwardly knowing hapo kuna opportunities za kula slices. My joy was cut short vile pastor alisema eti we go for lunch alafu tukutane githurai hapo stage ya Ruiru for a crusade at 4pm, Ngai usttake jua nilimuita ngite mara ngapi na roho yangu.

And that is how I became Bro. Meria, ile hug Marion alinipea tulipo kutana kwa crusade acha tu, she didn’t want to let go, alikua na wazazi wake na any chance of slices that day had evepolated, I wont bore you with stories of mambo ya kanisa but I cant fail to mention that the very next day nilienda gikomba kununua mbonya (our sheng for blazer) nilikua nimeona wazee wote kanisani wanavaa makoti and I also had to look the part, I bought my first blazer and two pairs of trousers which were a close match, kwa umbali ungefikiria ni suti. Vile nilikua tinkerer nikapewa kazi ya fundi wa mitambo na hapo ndio ulikua ukinipata kwa dias nikifanya mic testing. Nyumbani akuna mtu ata mmoja alijua eti niko saved, it was top secret.

Upande mwingine Marion aliendelea kukaza, uuuuuui, ata nijaribu nini alikua hataki, the farthest I got was touching the boobs and an occasional kiss lakini mungu si athmani na hua hasahau watu wake, by this time Marion alikua ashafanya mtihani akamaliza Dec had come and gone we were in Jan of 1990, it so happened that tukiwa kwa kina Matoo for home fellowship (btw Matoo alikua ameokoka cha ukweli, mimi hakuna siku niliwapeleka home) mvua kubwa ya radi na ndelemo ikaanza, Marion had come with her bro as her parents had travelled to Murarandia for I cant remember what, tukangojea mvua iishe lakini wapi, every time the lightening would flash I could see a terrified Marion waiting for the thunder, she had what we call brontophobia or astraphobia, the fear of thunderstorms, wakati pasor aliona mvua haiishi akagawanyisha watu vile wataenda nyumbani and I was assigned the duty of making sure Marion and her bro got home safe and sound, kusema ukweli nilianza kumbao saa hii hio na hio baridi yote coz something, I think its my guardian angel, told me tonights the night.

Niliwekelea mtoto kwa mgongo tukaomba Matoo jacko na mwavuli tukatoka tukaanza safari, haikua mbali sana Marion alikua amenishikiria na nguvu kabisa and with every crash of thunder she nearly screamed, kufika kwao akaniomba nisimuache, it was around 9, with her parents away and the  raging storm outside alisema hawezi lala peke yake, she begged me to spend the night with her, with the tables turned it was my turn to ringa, kaanza story eti siwezi lala huko, kesho asubuhi kuna job na raukia and such, she begged me to the point of crying and “reluctantly” I agreed. Alimfeed bro alafu akamlalisha tukabakia kwa kiwanja. Fate was on my side, no sooner had we sat on the couch to watch tv that KPLC did their magic stima ikaenda na mvua ikaongezeka, a big clap of thunder brought Marion to me and for the first time I felt her warmth, tulisumbuana tukasumbuana but finally shuma ililala ndani and like I expected this Now showing was unopened, mimi ndio nilifungua package. Wahenga hawakukosea waliposema “Mvumilivu hula mbivu” weuh, she liked it so much that threshold ilifikishwa although in the morning she cried. Kamtuliza kamwambia all is well.

Wow wow wow, Marion alikua anagojea results so she was at home alone all day bro yake akiwa shuleni na mimi nilikua available, iligame nilikua nimemuonyesha alikua ameipenda sana na hio ikakua daily routine, kukamua kitu whole day till 4pm wakati wakwenda kuchukua mtoto shulee, Ngai, life was good, I had no doubt in my mind that I would marry Marion, we even discussed our wedding and made a guest list alafu kitumbua kikaingia mchanga, babake was a senior air traffic controller hapo JKIA na alikua ameapply kazi majuu and was successful, that’s the news Marion alinishangaza nazo late feb ata kaa results zake hazijatoka, they were going to Ontario Canada in two weeks. We were devastated by the news, haki tulilia tukalia machozi ikaisha, tukasema tutoroke twende mbali sana tukaoane but I told Marion its in her best interest she goes, kamwambia akifika huko anigojee one day takuja kumchukua, kwa kupanguza machozi we ferked like rats or as if the world was coming to an end for the following two weeks, our world was indeed coming to an end, tulikamuana hadi tukapata blisters Marion alisema mara kwa mara anataka aende na mimba yangu huko Canada.

Nothing lasts forever and The shortest two weeks in my life flew by, seemed like half an hour to me and Marion na Marion wangu akaingia ndege akaenda. No contacts no address, in the 90s there was no whatsapp, no facebook no twirrer no nothing, it was as if she had  never existed.

STORO BONUS

Fast forward 2010, naingia fb asubuhi Napata friend request from Marion Anderson nikarenga, ata sikuangalia mbisha, Three weeks later Marion Anderson amenitumia msg, Hi Meria Its Marion, chap chap with my heart beating at 1000 times a minute kafungua profile yake and waaaaaaah,it was my beautiful Marion, vile alikua amenipata sijui coz I don’t use my real name on fb but it didn’t matter.

Well hio ni hekaya ya siku ingine as this one was how I became brother Meria, about kuokoka sikuwai rudi kwa hio church tena, and infact last time I was in church ni 2003 nikiwa best man ya one of my buddies. Matoo naye hukunywaga tusker kaa vile X6 ya nappy seal hunywa diesel.