Meria Mata

One time, I discovered that my husband Mureithi was cheating on me with a certain lady who worked in a company that were clients to my husband. Mureithi was working as a salesman and his biggest client was based in Rwanda. As mama shaitani, there's no way I could let a sin go unpunished. So I went to the jugular. I got the lady fired, got Mureithi fired and notified the lady's husband that his wife was cheating with my husband. Naturally, the lady was divorced and I got this husband some job in Nairobi, the same job Mureithi held. Meanwhile, Mureithi got a job in Canada and flew away. My revenge was not complete yet. Soon, loneliness set in. My business want doing well either. Stress ikaanza kuingia. Add dryspell to the mix. Then I remembered my Rwandese friend and thought that ferking him would not be a very bad idea. After all, Mureithi had ferked his wife (dryfry, definitely, coz he's allergic to latex, which is an excuse he uses to feel good pouring inside) after fe...

One afternoon after successfully towing a truck from Tana Delta to   Msa Muarabu summoned me into his spacious air conditioned office and after his usual unprintable greetings was offered a seat alafu karushiwa note book and he instructed me to make a list of our best drivers, Muarabu sio mtu wa kuulizwa maswali akikuambia jump unajump so being very curious I penned down four of our best drivers.   Deree wawili mimi ndio nilikua nimewaleta na hao wengine had found them there in the kambuni. I handed him the list na after kusoma majina akacheka kaa ananirushia diary yake where he had scrolled down the same names that were on my list. Its then that he told me about his latest contract of which he was to transport 4 high value containers to the capital and that’s why he needed his best derees. We then got down to analyzing them one by one. On top we had Kigen, a crazy Kipsigis who had been with the company for over 20 yrs, yeye ndie alianza maneno ya kufunga barabara ukipat...

Where's Jirani?

Have you ever had to run for dear life? Ushawai kimbia yako yote mpaka rev meter inasoma 30000 revs/minute?   have you ever been scared shitless coz of what is about to happen to you? Well it happened to me once and I remember it like yesterday although it was late 1999. How had I got myself in such a situation? Lets start from the beginning. It had all begun 6 months earlier when I met a fat   male Corinthian in Githurai 44 who had been mobbed by tens of people, moving closer to see what was not happening I found out that he was selling compact tapes for kshs 40 only. My shiny eye mind kicked in and I wanted to know more about the source of this tapes so I could also join in on the money train, minimum mtu alikua ananunua ni tano. After the crowd thinned abit I had a chance to talk to the Corinthian and like a real mudu wa nyumba akasema ili aniambie siri za hio biznaa I had to buy all he had first at 20bob a piece, hakuficha eti ilikua ni faida yake. Tulihesabu zote na n...

In the late 80s after clearing high school I was a kanda ya moko in Githurai while waiting to go to college, Githurai was growing at a rapid pace na kazi zilikua kibao, mshahala ilikua 40 bob per day which was more than enough for a teenager who had no obligations, didn’t drink, didn’t smoke and was paying no rent, pesa yote ilikua yakununua nguo and the kaoccasional movie Kenya Cinema or 20 th century, slices siku hizo zilikuaanga free na ata sikuzingine nilikua nalinga vile zilikua mob. One bag of cement was going for 85 bob and y12 53 bob. bei ya beer I think was less than 4 bob and bus fare to tao was 1 bob. Siku moja tukikoroga gorofa hapo Kungsfarm @4makind you know the place, nikaambiwa naitwa na sis, alikua na an official looking letter na nikaifungua haraka haraka, the letter was from Kabete Technical Institute and I had 3 weeks to report, I showed the foreman the letter and demanded my days wages on the spot, my days kwa mjengo were over. The days flew and in early Sep...

paraffin Lighter, ilikua yafunguka na kelele nyingi saa zingine inaamsha mtoto ma condaa wa KBS were trained to use this machine as weapons this was a privilege of the rich Blast from the past good old days of snail mail

Bwana asifiwe I said into the microphone, bwana yesu asifiwe, this time I said it a bit louder, Bwana yesu asifiwe microphone testing 1 2 3 mic testing can you hear me, inua mkono yako juu kaa waniskia, aaaaaah, asanteni, asanteni sana, my eyes made a quick sweep of the crowd below me and rested on the girl of my dreams, the girl who had stolen my heart, the girl who had finally tamed wild Meria by making him get saved after confessing his sins and being born again. I then handed over the mic to the pastor and as I got down from the dais and I reflected on how I had come to be known as Bro Meria. Thinking of it now, The journey to being born again had begun a few months earlier on the day i met The most beautiful girl in githurai, lets call her Marion, Marion alikua ameumbwa akaumbika, yellow yellow, average height, flesh in all the right places, nyuele ya makamasi, very beautiful kind eyes with thick eyebrows ….. you name it, the first time I saw her my jaw dropped kaa ya “the mas...

In your adult life, have you ever been slapped, well Meria was, let me waste your bundles with a hekaya. It was in 2004, meria had been in Mombasa 8 yrs na nilikua namaside hustle mob, among this was kupandisha magari numberless Nairobi, used to be like once a week lakini kazi ikiwa mob was a car every day, yaani nilikua nalala kwa mbus ya kurudi alafu morning you take another car and the cycle continues. I was crazy those days, speeds 160 and above, we used to race one another up to Nairobi to find out who’s the man. Anyway in 2004 the G-touring was the car in hot demand and they were being gobbled up by Kenyans like @kawambui na changaa, it was like my 20 th trip kupandisha gari so I was experienced and knew many things about the road like where to take fare paying passengers so that you can get maximum returns on your trip. Hii siku tulikua msafara wa G-touring 20, zote zilikua green, tukaondoka Mombasa at 8 in the morning na by the time tufike miritini mcezo ambao tulikua ...

Politician and Businessman Kenneth Njindo Stanley Matiba addresses throngs of His Supporters at All Saints Cathedral following His return from London for Treatment. Before Ford broke into Ford Kenya and Ford Asili with Charles Rubia at the press center, Chester Hse with the greatest when he visited Kenya testing out the new track at the city stadium his Vision being welcomed back from  the UK by a mammoth crowd where he had gone for treatment

This is how Kenyatta Avenue in Nairobi looked like in the early 1900s. A Viewing Of The piccadilly Circus Of Nairobi, Where Hardinge Street Joined Delamere Avenue With The New Stanley Hotel In The Center In 1956 Salisbury Hotel Swimming Pool Nairobi 1960s.  Where Kempinsky stands today. 1965: Moi Avenue/Kigali Road junction, and Jamie Mosque, Nairobi. 

A few moons ago kuna deree alikwamisha truck Salama on the way down to 001, company policy dictates that truck ikijizima due to your incompetence just pick your belongings from the cabin uingie gizani, gari ya road patrol isikupate hapo and that’s how I found myself in Salama at 1am in the morning with a diagnosis machine coaxing the truck to start, waah! Truck ilitoa error za ajab, code zingine sijawai ona I had to fall bact to the Actros manual, what I found out made my heart sink, Muarabu was gonna blow his top when he heard this and there was bound to be casualties. The Msedes had been taking adulterated fuel for some time na vile air/fuel mixture ilikua wrong ikaanza kuknock, that’s why it had shut down. I cancelled a few errors alafu nikaigurumisha but after three minutes it shut down again (only a trained ear could hear the Knock). Ilibidi niashe kafegi as I made myself comfortable kwa kitanda ili ni contemplate how to pass the news to Muarabu in the morning. Time: 6:30am Grr...

Welcome to new home of TBT, Hekayas and Breaking news. Join me on a journey down memory lane as we review our rich history in pictures, short stories and eye witness accounts.